Ruby: Smells Like Teen Spirit

Ruby is sitting on the kitchen when one by one the rest of the family takes over what she was doing (eating her food, listening to her music, etc) until she yells. David says she’s right, she should have her own private stuff. Then she notices he’s wearing her shirt.

Ruby gossips with a girl (it’s Rose from Privileged) about first kisses. Ruby’s never had one. It’s Ruby’s first friend. Jordan interrupts to have them look at a dead whale. It turns out he’s been listening in through the vent. They kick him out.

Ben is on a domino kick though they don’t know why. David comes in to hide out from a woman who thinks he’s going to propose because of a pact they made seven years earlier. Ben was punched in a butt by another kid, which is why he’s upset. They tell him he can’t hit back. Audie accidentally knocks over the dominoes.

Ruby and friend Kristin are at a silent film festival alone, talking when Jordan interrupts. Jordan asks Ruby to get popcorn but when she returns because she forgot her wallet she finds Jordan and her friend kissing and she’s upset.

Ben’s still upset when he gets home. He was punched again. Patrick goes to teach Ben to fight secretly.

Ruby’s still mad about Jordan and Kristin. Audie advises them to learn to share (and shares an awkward story).

Ruby interrupts Kristin and Jordan’s date, enticing Jordan with gossip and a movie. Ruby says she’s sharing, Jordan says she’s stealing. Jordan steals her back with the offer to make out.

Patrick and David anxiously await Ben’s return from school. Ben kicked his bully back and when everyone laughed the bully started crying. Patrick tells Audie. Ben reveals that the bully was a girl.

Jordan keeps interrupting his kissing time with Kristin to talk about Jordan. He feels bad. Meanwhile Ruby tries to find a new friend. Molly seems to like nothing though. Jordan interrupts and then Ruby makes an excuse not to hang out. Jordan informs her that he and Kristin broke up because it didn’t feel right. Jordan brought Ruby a knock before entering sign that used to be on his own door. Jordan wants to ask Molly out.

David meets with the bully’s mom who intends to beat him up. He runs away.

Ruby 50 Ways To Heave Your Mother

Ruby struggles with the tent (the family will be going on a camping tent next week) and none of them help out. It collapses and she yells at it just as David and Patrick’s mother enters the house. (The theme song is longer than usual.) It’s a surprise visit for David and Ruby. Patrick tries to get his mom’s approval but she clearly favors David. She brought Ben and Jordan money but gives Ruby gum. Ruby’s room was the old guest room. Ruby offers it “grandma.” Her grandmother wants Ruby to call her Mrs. Gallagher. Ever the optimist, Ruby takes it in stride.

Ruby pumps up the air mattress while saying she doesn’t think grandma likes her. Ruby plans to sleep in the room also to share a sleepover party together.Ruby ends up doing all the talking. Ruby tries to keep he from falling out the window (forced humor here) and is instead blamed for attempting to push her. Ruby offers up the whole room and sleeps on the couch.

Auddie is upset by how grandma behaved. Patrick takes to eating ice cream because he’s upset that his mother doesn’t love him as much.

Ruby’s new plan: cook a dinner of her favorite foods. The boys say they’ve only ever been mean to her and she loves them. She tries but that doesn’t work. At dinner grandma asks her to sing then tells her she does it wrong. Her mom ends up needing an ambulance because she’s allergic to wheat. Grandma says she’s leaving because she doesn’t feel safe.

Ruby camps outside to make Mrs. Gallagher feel safe. Auddie joins her. Ben and Jordan join them. Then Patrick comes out. Grandma calls David because no one is answering their calls. David suggests that she hurt Ruby’s feelings. Patrick yells at his mom. It turns out, she’s upset that no one told her about Ruby and she found out because Ruby answered the phone when she called. They both felt like outsiders. Grandma apologizes. Start over.

Patrick dreams of locking his mom in the tent with a mountain lion.

Well, this show will end soon as it has not been renewed like the other new ABC Family shows. No surprise and no loss, I’m just surprised I watched this whole thing…

Ruby and the Rockits: We Aren’t The Champions

Humming Ruby enters the kitchen. Patrick harmonizes. As does Jordan. Ben sits quietly. Audie adds some “instruments.” In jumps David, stealing the spotlight. At which point all singing stops. “And that is why the Rockits broke up.”

Jordan plays angsty music for Audie. Audie says she loves it and is so proud of it. But when he asks what his mom and dad think they avoid saying they don’t like it. Ruby comes in announcing that she joined the soccer team and David says he’s going to coach. Until Patrick describes the difficulties and he drops out. Patrick and Audie both accept (Audie is okay doing it together and Patrick wants to do it alone.) Patrick has always wanted a child interested in sports.

Patrick talks to the girls of the team. Ruby is so excited that she keeps cutting into his announcements. Their team is the lions and he got them uniforms.

Jordan talks to David about needing an honest opinion about his music, which his parents won’t give. He starts playing and David interrupts. It’s bad. How to make it better? Get out. “You can’t just tell me my song sucks and then tell me to leave!” He promises to do anything if David will make him good.

Ben makes guacamole for the girls’ team. Patrick seems to be enjoying himself, which makes Ruby so happy. She can’t imagine what the season will be like. Cut to after their first lost: YOU’RE NOT LIONS YOU’RE SHEEP!

Ruby talks to Audie about how Patrick yelled at the girls for an hour. Ben meanwhile is working on being their mascot. Ruby is shocked at Patrick’s competitive side. He doesn’t do anything halfway. He comes in Audie tells him he’s fired.

Jordan and David are in a bar. David says music is the book of life, if your life isn’t interesting neither is your music. He sends Jordan to hit on a woman his mother’s age. Jordan returns covered in water.

Patrick and Ben play Wii. Patrick is competitive, Ben barely cares. In walks Audie and Ruby. How’d it go? Great! So you won? No, we lost, but it was fun. Ruby says it wasn’t fun but she can’t hide that she liked it. Patrick tells them a story about his football in high school years which they both already know about. But he says he has something to tell them: he didn’t catch the winning pass, he dropped it and it cost them the championship. He was too ashamed. The coach never spoke to him again afterwards. He doesn’t want Ruby to experience that.

David and Jordan play power. Jordan’s afraid to lose his money, David says he has to feel the thrill of putting himself out there. (Hustling him?) He goes all in and loses everything. Regret and humiliation. Jordan rants about what happened and David tells him to do it while playing guitar and now he sees he has a good song.

Jordan sees Ruby on the computer. He wants to tell her something about life: we have enough of our own baggage, we don’t need anyone else’s. He gives traveling advice. Ruby’s not really listening. Jordan says he doesn’t mind. Ruby shuts the door on him.

Ruby has something to tell Patrick. They went online and found the coach. They have a videochat with him. His coach tells him it was just a game and he should forget about it. Really? NO! YOU RUINED MY CAREER! Ruby says if his life relied on a game and didn’t have much of a life. Patrick realizes how irrelevant the game was. His life is more than that football game.

It seems they forgot to end the videochat. He wants to pretend Ruby is his granddaughter Amanda because he is lonely. She agrees and he tells her she’s a terrible granddaughter. “Goodbye grandpa.”

Ruby and the Rockits: Hot Spanish Teacher

David doesn’t understand parent teacher conferences. Why don’t they come to his work if they want to talk to him? Why don’t public schools have VIP lounges? He’s about to meet Ruby’s favorite teacher and she wants him on his best behavior. He’s making no promises. Until the teacher walks in and she’s hot (I know, the title was really subtle and you couldn’t figure that out yourself).

Ben welcomes people to the house to give a tour (Rockit fans) and get paid. Jordan agrees not to tell if he gets half the money.

Ruby is an exceptional student in spanish class. She’s a dork who says her teacher’s passion excites her in class. David tries to hit on the teacher who doesn’t know what band he’s from.

When the parents return they wonder why there are teacups (with lipstick) in the sink. Jordan covers by saying Ben wore the lipstick. In walks Ruby and David. David reveals that the spanish teacher, Ms. Vasquez, agreed to date him. (Jordan’s jealous. Ruby tells him she’s off limit. If he dumps her she’ll have to wonder if the teacher she loves hates her.

Ben searches in the garbage for things to give out on tours. Patrick asks if anyone else is missing their belts. Jordan tells him only nerds wear belts but cool straps aka suspenders are in.

Ruby feels bad about getting her dad to cancel his date wants to make it up to him. But it turns out he did go on the date. They talk and David finds out that Ms. Vasquez didn’t follow the Rockits (her sister did and would be so jealous right now).

On their date, Ruby lures her dad away and then warns her teacher about her dad. Ruby apologizes the next day., it was inappropriate to come on the date. Ms. Vasquez says she broke up with him, so as not to make Ruby uncomfortable, by saying they’re too different.

When Ruby goes to her dad after school he comes clean about the date and says he’s never had any woman reject him before. He feels like the luckiest man alive, he’s in love! (Just because she rejected him?) He writes Ms. Vasquez a poem. Ruby says this is crazy. He hasn’t listened to his messages (the kid who does that is out sick). He seems to know things about her. Ruby finds David’s phone and plays her teacher’s message.

Ruby talks to Patrick and Audra about the situation. Audra says he’s not really in love. Ruby tells them what he did and they’re not pleased. “You sabotaged their date!” They tell her what she did was wrong.

Ruby finds her dad asking if his chocolate cake loves him. He’s sitting on the floor in a depression. He knows what Ruby did and he tells her it’s ok, he doesn’t deserve love…She tells him if he wants a real relationship it will happen. He says no, it hurts to much. Ruby said that’s not a reason to give up (if you have a hangover you cure it by going out and getting drunk again!).

Ruby is giving a presentation in Spanish class when her dad comes in playing guitar. “Why isn’t this working?” he wonders.

Patrick and Audra have snuck away for a lunchtime bedroom break. Ben and Jordan are caught giving a tour of the house and their parents sit them down to yell at them.

Ruby and the Rockits Pappas Don’t Preach

Jordan, Ruby, and some other guy are singing/playing musical instruments. She still can’t sing but he’s not bad. Oh, the other guy is the bass player they’ve been looking for. Ruby likes him and Jason doesn’t because he likes Ruby. Ruby thinks he’s worried Nills will upstage him. Jordan denies.

In comes David to find Audie scrubbing pots. He has an offer for her. He wants her to fill in for a back up dancer. She says no. He begs. “I don’t ask for much.” She says he just takes. He tries to flatter her plus says she would get $300 and 4 free drink tickets. She tries to point out all the reasons she doesn’t want to, in the process convincing herself to do it and finally agrees.

Patrick does jumping jacks in front of the boys to be an example. Ruby comes in in a tube top, mini skirt. Ben tells her she looks like she’s for sale. She’s just going out with her friend Nills. David gives her permission. Jordan says if she goes the band is over. Patrick says no.

Audie has some suggestions for the choreography. David says he has already planned and has a ridiculous Indian costume for her. I’m not sure who looks more awkward here. David is thrilled to have her working.

Ruby and Nills are practicing when Jordan walks in and he is upset. He said they would be broken up if she saw him. He wants in again.

Patrick and Audie talk. Patrick says he wants to get to know Nills before Ruby sees him.

They play and Ruby has eye sex with Nills. In comes Patrick playing the tamborine. Nills and Ruby exchange compliments. Patrick tells them it’s important to get to know each other. Patrick begins “nonchalantly” asking qs and asks if Nills has ever been arrested. He has because he was protesting and didn’t know he needed a permit. Audie tries to stop him.

Ruby’s all upset. Audie says he’s too old. Ruby says she’s found the love of her life and that if they’re forbidden to see each other they’ll have to meet in secret.

Ruby plays angsty music. She hears a knock it’s not from her door. It’s from her window and it’s…her dad. He’s busting her out to go on her date. Ruby falls out the window. At the restaurant Nills thinks she’s such a rebel. Awkward silence. Nills wants to split the dinner special because it’s cheap. She maneuvers to sit next to him and in walks Jordan to ruin their date. Jordan and Nills get into a fight (Jordan wrestled in like fifth grade, Nills went to the Olympic trials for Tae Kwon Do) and Ruby pulls him away. Nills explains that he’s gay. He wants to be her friend. Jordan is thrilled. Nills thought Jordan was homophobic.

David is giving his pre-performance speech. Audie isn’t comfortable with her outfit. David thinks she looks great. He tells her she’ll regret it if she doesn’t. In comes his original dancer and he basically says thanks but no thanks to Audie.

Ruby: It’s My Party and I’ll Lie If I Want To

Ruby watches her dad practice. She looks confused. She thinks it’s gross, sexist and infantile. So he’s all set.

Ruby gives them an anniversary card. The boys don’t give them anything, as always. The parents kiss in front of the kids. They then talk about how they met. She was a dancer on their set. It was love at first sight. They’re going to the same place they go to every time. It’s clear that the mom doesn’t actually like it. He’s upset. He wants to be her Luke Studwalker (in front of the kids!) and is determined to give her the best anniversary yet.

Night time, they’re packed. They’re going to the Inn at Monarch Bay, which just opened. Ruby’s in charge of watching the kids. Why is she looking after Jordan? He’s the oldest. Because last time he gave Ben a mohawk while he was sleeping. Ruby’s excited to be in charge. Jordan wants to give her a mohawk. She says she wants to throw a party to get herself a good label in high school. They bribe Ben with chocolate.

The parents are on the road stuck in traffic. They decide they should share secrets to be dangerous. She has one that’s sort of stupid but it’s funny. During the video shoot where they first hooked up, when the power went out, before they kissed, David kissed her because he thought she had a crush on her. He’s upset.

At the party. Ben’s hyper from chocolate. Ruby is told her party is great. David comes in and asks what the hell is going on. “This is outrageous.” He kicks everyone out and she’s told the party is a bust. Her dad pulls her into the kitchen and she asks since when does he act like a dad. “It was a good act wasn’t it?” He needs the house for his own party which is why hers can’t stay. Ruby’s upset. David’s party is to discuss a new album.

Jordan sees a hot woman named Chanel. Jordan finds Ruby up in her room. He’s wearing an oversized blazer in an attempt to look older. He tries a pipe but it doesn’t help either.

David approaches the record label guy but he’s busy on his phone. Finally they get down to business. He asks Ruby if her friends would buy David’s record.

Patrick is freaking that his brother kissed her first and they starts fighting. He gives her the silent treatment so she tries to make him laugh by doing impressions. She says he’s the one she loves and he’d better let this go. They love each other.

David tells Ruby she can invite her friends back to tell the record label will see how cool he is. She is upset that he doesn’t care about her. He wants to leave. Ruby says he isn’t going to get an album, he belongs on the album. She realizes she just told her dad it’s wrong to have dreams.

Patrick’s turn to tell a secret but he decides against it.

Jordan approaches Chanel, she asks if he’s nine he tries to pass as 40. The record label guy decides to leave. David tries to stop him and Ruby steps up to help, offering doing a father-daughter act. They perform (and once again we see that Alexa Vega can’t sing). David doesn’t even sing he just plays piano. She tries to apologize and David says she has nothing to apologize. The record label wants to change everything and that would let him turn it into a hit. David says forget it. He’d rather make a comeback with a different record label.

Ben’s fallen asleep on the floor. Apparently he had a mean stroke at the end.

Jordan sings a song about losing Chanel. It’s so bad it’s painful. Ruby starts shrieking.

Ruby and the Rockits Do You Want To Blow A Secret

Ruby hangs up a Rockitts poster on the wall of her room. Jordan tells her she shouldn’t. They get into a making fun of each other act and the parents walk in on them.

Pat and David discuss Pat’s business. David wants to borrow an eco-friendly car from his dealership. Patrick says no. (Two ABC Family shows in a row talking about being eco-friendly, theme? On the disney channel hey just started that eco-friendly movement too.) Pat and wife are going to the opera. He wants her to go to an event of his choosing in return. They thank Ruby for babysitting Ben–she’ll bake cookies, rented a movie, doesn’t do bedtimes. Pat named his car Beth (“Elizabeth but that’s mouthful.”) Jordan had better be off studying because he’s in a lot of trouble already.

Ruby plays piano and sings (her voice is kind of grating). Ben thinks she should speed up the tempo so that it will be more commercial. Doesn’t she want to sell? no, it’s like her diary, she works through her feelings. Jordan calls from a party. His designated driver was drinking and he needs her help. (Ben is “shocked” that the study group was a lie.) Against her better judgment, Ruby says she’ll solve the problem. Which of course means she takes Patrick’s car to pick him up. Jordan points out that Ruby doesn’t have a license so how is she driving?

Ruby’s afraid to get caught.

In the morning Jordan has a hangover. Ben gives him a gross concoction. Ruby didn’t sleep well because she was afraid she might have left things differently so that Patrick might notice. Patrick discovered that he loved the opera. It made him cry. A lot. (The show is finally hitting the humor stride.) Patrick realized that someone drove his car and he assumes it was Ruby’s father. (Ruby forgot to readjust the seat.) Ruby tries to convince him not to do anything because “David is my father and if you kill him I will have to retaliate.” Ruby plans to go to her father to ask him to take the blame.

David’s proud of her for scheming. “You are so my daughter…the truth is for people who aren’t creative enough to come up with a better story.” David agrees to follow along. He’ll go over to the house and make a huge apology. Ruby doesn’t think an apology will cut it, but he insists.

Patrick wants his wife to go to the truck show as part of their deal. She has no interest. Just then in walks David with flowers. Patrick is angry. David smooth talks him, but kind of forgets he’s not talking to an ex-girlfriend. He promises never to do it again. They hug and make up. David’s on TV! It turns out he got the flowers from an interview he did. The hostess brings up Ruby and he says she’s a rebel like him. And the whole family watches as he reveals what happened the night before.

Patrick yells at them all. How can he trust anyone? David shows up to get the flowers back for a date. Ruby says “I thought you were going to keep that a secret.” They’re upset that Jordan was drinking. Ruby freaks out and says she’ll take two strikes instead of Jordan getting a third. She thought Jordan was going to be sent away. He’s just going to be grounded for three weeks. She’s grounded for a week. Jordan and Ruby start making fun of each other and she accidentally reveals that he’s failing chemistry.

Ruby plays piano while Patrick gets ready to go to the car show. His wife says she doesn’t want to go but when Patrick leaves she admits that she can’t wait to see them blow up a truck.