Hellcats: You’re in for a rude awakening.

Well, it seems Hellcats has not been picked up for another season (I might be more upset if I wasn’t really excited for some of the shows that they have picked up) so this will be the last post.

I guess watching the Hellcats workout is different than watching them dance as the opening. One girl seems to be having a particularly hard time, sweating and coughing and ultimately fainting. It turns out she’s sick with a particularly virulant strand of the flu. The plan: sleepover in the gym! In comes Marty’s half-sister, Dierdre to meet the friends. She’s nervous, like a feral cat, apparently. (How much older is Marty than D?) Savannah tries to give her a welcome hug and she freaks out, asking to play Marty’s guitar in the corner instead.

Dinner with Savannah’s family. Charlotte has a letter from their dad but their mom rips it up before Savannah can read it. She’s on her fourth drink. She and Marty’s mom toast faithless men when Red’s ex joins in and then acts as inappropriately as possible while talking to Vanessa in front of Louis. (I love how she tells V not to be hostile because it diminishes her image as educator and then proceeds to be over the top hostile.) Parting shot: “You know what’s really inappropriate? Sleeping with a married man.” Dierdre spends the party strumming with ex-jailbird Travis until Marty interrupts to ask her to mingle with the guests. Dierdre gets angry and asks “why do you think I would want to hang out with a bunch of shallow cheerleaders?” She storms off to the shower room where it turns out the doors are locked. Marty goes after her, slowly, and then talks to her about coming to Nationals. It is actually important to Marty now. Dierdre is Marty from a year ago. But after all is said and done, Dierdre seems to be intending to come. (PS- finally a story line involving Marty that I actually care about!)

The hellcats have arrived in…somewhere that doesn’t look like where they hold Nationals. They walk in doing the Armageddon/Mean Girls stride but lose confidence when they see Savannah’s old squad being awesome. Nasty Kathy halts their practice because “there are spies among us.” NK wants to talk privately with Louis because he hasn’t been returning her texts. She apologizes for her rashness and wants to try again. Louis, it turns out, is more or less back with Alice. Poor NK runs off.

Alice’s feet might still be bothering her but she is surprised by flowers form her dad and stepmom who it seems have actually decided to support her this time around. Alice is thrilled but warns them that they have a weak crew–only 20 out of their entire squad, which is just more than enough. They have to rework the entire routine and it is pretty bad (they are using alternates who are unfamiliar with the stunts, ultimately dropping some redhead we’ve never seen). As they look at the girl with the injured arm, Charlotte calls to tell Savannah she is having the baby. Savannah’s plan is to run to the hospital, come back for the performance, and come back to the hospital. Dierdre thinks Marty wouldn’t drop everything for her but Marty says she would. (That’s a weird thing to say to someone you just met, sister or not.) Dierdre doubts her sincerity.

Alice whines about Savannah leaving when her stepmom insists Alice join her for a bathroom trip to point out that Alice clearly has the flu and could infect people. Alice says they have no choice or they will have to forfeit and all their hard work will be for nothing.

Louis gets a call from someone that is frantic. He borrows Alice’s dad’s car and runs off. This squad is not doing well numbers-wise. It’s NK, who is naked and drunk in bed. She asks for his jacket because she is cold and he gives it to her. He goes to get her clothes in the bathroom and she locks him in, saying he brought it on himself because sex is a big deal to her. She has this all carefully planned–hiding his phone, turning the music up, and leaving a do not disturb sign on the door.

Savannah gets to the hospital, anxious to see her sister, but the doctors have said the baby is premature and might have problems. Her mother says she is glad Savannah is there because she could not do it alone (she even wishes her husband was there) which means Savannah totally cannot run out. Savannah gives her a pep talk that seems to help and the two pray together. So cute.

Savannah gets a call from Alice. Without Louis, they are down to 17 and they must have Savannah there. Savannah says she can’t leave, the baby is premature and might be sick. Savannah is the birth coach and can’t leave her. Alice is angry, Savannah is sad (though the nurse seems proud). Alice whines to Vanessa who says she gets it.

Louis rages and hits and groans, looking for a way out. He pries something out the the toilet to open the window and succeeds.

Time for competition but they are still only 17. Vanessa stalls, saying Louis is ill but not to worry, he has arrived just in time. But not yet: They got an anonymous tip that some people might have strep and they have to test everyone. If anyone tests positive they are out (do strep tests work that fast).

It turns out three of them are positive. The Cyclones ended up winning Nationals and Alice actually starts crying. She talks to her dad and says she’s sorry for wasting his time. For once he is a good father and says she could never waste his time. Alice suspects her stepmom did it, but she says she didn’t. So who did?

It was Red’s ex! She claims she was concerned for the kids and clearly Vanessa wasn’t. But the head of Athletics says the school really needed the gold. Who will he back? He asks her out in response.

The baby! Dan comes in to meet little Joseph who looks sorta Mexican. Savannah wants to know if the squad won but Dan says they should focus on baby Joe.

Dierdre is lost in her world of music when Marty interrupts. Marty tells Dierdre to stop pushing her away. She wants a sister but if Dierdre doesn’t want that she should say so otherwise she will break her heart. D is afraid that M will get bored of her and learning about Rex and will leave her. Marty promises she will never leave her (awe). Even D hugs back. (Doesn’t it seem like the show is already over?)

Alice wants to know why the club is packing. Time to do their routine at nationals, no matter what. She doesn’t want to let them down. They have done everything for this, they have earned their moment. Art for art’s sake. Anyway, V’s not giving up the keys until they do it. They’re artists! Athletes! Bobbleheads! Marty steps in as Savannah and they do their routine for the cleaning crew. Savannah and Dan come in just on time and Savannah does a tumbling pass down the aisle to join in (as though that wouldn’t impact their routine to have the wrong number). This also seems like it could be the end of the episode, but no, there’s more. And was that Vanessa on the mat? weird. To give Dan a reason to be there, he tapes it. Other cheerleaders from other squads join in because you know, this is like the ending of every teen movie. Dierdre watches, impressed. The head of the Cheerleading association wants to stop this unauthorized performance but Alice’s father stalls. I notice no Cyclones in this mess of cheerleaders.

Back at Lancer, the team has quiet drinks. Savannah worries about her family. Her mom’s a mess, Charlotte is a single mom. Savannah says she can’t let her family issues hurt the squad so she is stepping down as captain in favor of Savannah. they hug and all the nastiness of the year is forgotten.

Vanessa is seen by the head of Athletics to inform her that effective immediately, she will be suspended. Even though she didn’t know the kids had strep. They had all been tested. Red’s ex said she did it to herself.

A toast to next year! (There won’t be a next year Hellcats.)

Dierdre’s phone rings and it is Rex, who says he is sick of being ignored, he wants to meet up. Marty turns to Dierdre and tells her it is time she gets back to her old life. Dierdre yells “you promised me!” but Marty takes off on her bike.

After many false-endings and an ultimately disappointing resolution (you know Dierdre probably had a fair reason for ignoring/hating Rex and lying to Marty but now we will never know. How did you feel about the series finale?

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