Bad pun for a title aside, I can only hope that this is as exciting an episode as last week’s.
Blaire is in bed, still in her dress. There’s a band and it’s some men. It’s also black and while with cheesy music. They come to take her as per boss’s orders. Chuck comes in to find only her dress left behind. It’s Chuck’s bad dream.
Blaire wakes up. Chuck wanders through his room searching for alcohol when Serena and Chuck come in. They try to keep the alcohol away from him and ask him to tell them what is happening. Shouldn’t they be celebrating? Chuck says he thought their relationship could withstand anything but he was wrong. Serena wants him to prove she cares. If he waits too long she’ll think he doesn’t care. Serena says he should work on Blaire while she goes to family breakfast.
Dorota is freaking out. It’s her mother, coming with her dad to NY. Her parents don’t know she’s pregnant! They’ll disown her for being pregnant or they’ll take him home.
Nate arrives, knowing Serena sent him. She says there is no punishment for what he did. She’s Blaire Waldorf, punishment is her middle name. She can’t talk about what happened. It’s too awful. There’s no such thing between friends. She agrees to tell if he keeps it secret, even from Serena. Nate is shocked.
Chuck arrives at the Waldorf’s. They want to resolve getting Dorota married before her parents arrive. She is divorced because she ignored wedding tradition and got married at city hall. The wedding should be grand and perfect. Chuck offers to interject. Down comes Blaire and she sees Chuck who is throwing Dorota and told her that they are back together and a happy couple. Dorota wants them part of the wedding ceremony. How can she turn down Dorota.
Serena is texting Nate when guess who arrives. She’s lying to Nate!
Wedding plans all around. Blaire’s unhappy with him. She tries to get away from him he follows. She knows he’s throwing the wedding to spend time with her. He says he loves her, they’re still drawn together. He asks her to forgive him but she says she can’t.
Serena gets in and Nate needs help with flowers. She almost gets caught in her lie but covers.
Meanwhile the rest of the of the Humphrey crew get the all in for the wedding. Lily is missing the wedding sadly. Eric is nervous about the new guy he met. What if he’s not gay?
Nate tells Chuck to give up. He’s crossed a line. He tries to say there’s more to the story. Chuck says he’s naive and also, Serena was lying to him about the morning. Carter is back in town and guess who Serena was spotted with. Nate doesn’t believe him but…
Blaire finds Serena upstairs. Serena tries to push Blaire back. She doesn’t understand the problem. Blaire says she and Nate are lucky–no lies and games. Mhmm. Blaire wonders how they do it. She sees that this is the way it is meant to be.
Carter finds Nate on the street as he comes to drop something off. Apparently Serena wants something only he can provide. Why isn’t she telling him? And then Jenny ruins Serena’s secret when Eric tries to cover. Meanwhile Jenny goes up to make the dress and gives Serena the letter from Carter (Carter to Nate to Jenny to Serena, to be clear).
At the weird bachelor party they do traditional games. The balloon game requires you move closer until your balloon pops. I think Chuck intends to play with Blaire…Meanwhile Jenny and Eric discuss the no longer happy couple. Serena looks miserable. Chuck blows off a hot girl to play with Blaire who doesn’t pull away but doesn’t want to talk. Nate finds Serena and of course she lies to cover saying Carter tried to upset him. He doesn’t trust her. Jenny chases after Nate. Thankfully for us viewers, V is away at the moment. Blaire’s mom still makes Dan act like the help.
Cyrus got Dorota an apartment. In Queens, easy commute. She’s getting married with a baby on the way…Mrs. Waldorf is unhappy, it’s inappropriate. She’s just a made. But she’s family! She practically raised Blaire. Maybe not the best thing…
Jenny comes to Nate. He says maybe he overreacted. What was in Carter’s letter anyway. Jenny opens it anyway and finds a key to the place that Carter is staying.
Blaire and Chuck are still in, as is Dorota and her man. Blaire says he can’t fix what happened. He apologizes. She does not forgive.
Dan finds a miserable Blaire and asks how she is. Why does he care? She says it isn’t just what Chuck did, it’s what she did! She’s become the person Dan has always thought she was. Dan thinks she and Chuck are meant to be together.
Rufus calls Lily who still has not called back. He discovers that she is not where she said she’d be. Seriously, the whole family! (Well, not Eric but still.)
Blaire sees Chuck approach with a necklace. She lets him put it on. It’s almost romantic. Almost, because whether she went or not, he still manipulated her. She says they belong together because they’re sick and twisted and how could they find anyone better. At least they won’t be lonely in hell. He’s no happier now than when she wouldn’t forgive him at all.
Dan and Eric head to the wedding. Rufus continues calling for Lily. Vanya must answer questions about Dorota in order to be allowed to marry her. Serena wants to tell Nate the truth. She says Carter is helping her find her dad. She didn’t want to tell him, she felt stupid, like she was disappointing him. He wants her to stop seeing him. She says he doesn’t have the right to tell her that. He disagrees in this case.
Vanya loves most the way Dorota makes him feel about himself. He is his best with her. Good enough. Now for the wedding! Time for Blaire and Chuck to lead them in. Blaire cries and says she can’t. She can’t lie to Dorota and jinx her wedding. Dorota follows her into the other room. She should have realized things were wrong but normally Blaire tells her everything. She didn’t want to ruin the wedding or admit what happened. Dorota came to America for a new life and here she found her family. When Blaire saw how happy she and Vanya are she realized how unhappy she is. Blaire’s mom sees them have this talk. She is not happy. She interrupts to say it’s wedding time.
Serena is upset that Carter shows up. Carter’s PI has found Serena’s died. She hesitates. It will be different this time. She wants to tell Nate but he insists there’s no time. And Jenny sees them go of course. Inside comes Elliot to talk to Eric. And in comes Chlesea, Elliot’s girlfriend. Oh well, It seems like Elliot is in the closet, He’s been a major flirt. You do not track someone down because they dropped some useless piece of paper.
Mrs. Waldorf tells Cyrus he was right. Dorota is family. She could have been better as a mother but Dorota did a great job with Blaire. The wedding ends happily.
Chuck wants to talk to Blaire. Chuck finds out that Blaire didn’t sleep with Jack and thinks nothing happened. Blaire says she wants what Dorota has. Maybe be boring but better than ashamed with herself. She loves him too much and she doesn’t like who she’s become with him. He wants to see things through to the end but she tells him it is the end.
Nate finds Jenny, looking for Serena. She pretends to be awkward about saying that Serena left. Notice that Jenny is always the one delivering the bad news. Serena left with Carter.
Serena asks how long Carter’s known where her dad is. (She notices the flight dates.) A week! She’s pissed. He was using this to get closer to her. Realizing this she kicks him out of the car. She doesn’t need his help. He says fine. But is Carter really out of the picture? He seemed angry.
Cyrus and Mrs. Waldorf give them the apartment. They’re thrilled. She thanks Dorota for everything. Dorota says she thinks of her like a mother. Maybe…big sister.
Rufus gets a call back from CeeCee. What’s going on? He needs to know the truth or he’s leaving Lily for good. She says it isn’t her place.
Chuck flirts with a model. Blaire’s a little disgusted. Dan says Blaire deserves someone who will make her happy. (Is that a Blaire-Dan relationship in the works?) Nate asks Chuck what he’s doing and gets the response “this is who I am.”
Elliot asks Eric to dance. Chelsea and him got into a fight. She was jealous of Eric. Elliot is bi.
Jenny sees that Nate’s phone is ringing. She pretends she can’t see Nate and will of course not pass on her message. Serena you should know better! Meanwhile Jenny asks Nate to dance. Jenny must realize this will come back to bite her.
Serena’s plane lands and…two bucks she spots her mom with her dad. Yup. I win! Lily is speechless.