Serena is an “it” girl once again. Patrick is being considered for a movie. Serena has to get Patrick’s picture taken with politicians. Serena can’t because she has issues with the Vanderbilts. She and Nate have issues.
Olivia and Dan wake up. Where is Vanessa? Busy with her film. He wishes he’d caught her Jimmy Fallon interview which Olivia tries to keep Dan from seeing it. Says he shouldn’t watch it online because of the quality. But when he gets into the hall someone makes a comment about him being “bathroom boy.”
Chuck shows off his and Blaire’s apartment with Nate. Vanessa is filming Tripp’s campaign. Chuck is hosting Tripp’s campaign party. His numbers are down. Nate wants to help. (When did he get so family bound?)
Serena brings Olivia the Jimmy Fallon interview. Olivia fears Dan finding out. Serena says she likes Patrick best about her job. No pressure. Blaire sees Serena and is rude. Serena asks if she wants to get a latte, let’s move on. Blaire sidesteps. She also notices that Serena’s not on the list. They exchange insults. Blaire says she needs a friend. She views her crew as staff. Serena tries to call Nate but he ignores it. Nate suggests grandpa helps. Someone is drowning in the water and Tripp jumps in to save him. Who set that up?
The rescue seems to help. Nate wants to speak to grandfather, he suspects it was a setup but he’s getting no confession. Vanessa’s footage of the rescue will be on the news. Serena shows up to speak to Nate. He’s unhappy to see her. She tells him what she needs, he doesn’t want to but Tripp invites her.
Blaire talks to her clones about needing a friend. She sees a girl with the bag she wants. This is the friend she wants. She approaches, they seem to get along. What’s her name? Brandeis?
Olivia and Dan play Scrabble with the family. Jenny is ill. Gossip Girl text which a) why does Dan get them and b) Jenny helps her cover? The text, for those who could not catch it, says: “Keep your eyes peeled for Bathroom Boy, DH, getting naked and nasty in a stall near you. GMT*0!” Olivia deletes it from Dan’s phone before he can see it.
Vanessa reviews the footage and sees that the guy who fell was faking it. She calls Nate to meet up. She doesn’t know what to do so she just says it was faked. No one has seen the footage. She already agreed to sell the footage even though no one has seen it. Dan asks her to wait. She says she can’t. This is someone running for public office. She really respects Tripp, should she tell him so he can prepare? Nate says he’ll do it. Nate then calls the people who are buying Vanessa’s film.
Serena shows up at Patrick’s. He has found a bunch of scripts that Casey does not want him to look at. At the party later he’s not enjoying. Blaire sees him jerking off? She and Blaire exchange more meanness. Twice. Blaire puts him upstairs because he’s drunk. Serena goes to wake him up, angry. He says he was talking to Blaire’s friend. Was that why she threw her out? He also slips that Brandeis is a call girl.
Dan happens upon the Jimmy Fallon video. When he comes out he avoids Olivia. Apparently on their first date he went to the bathroom and came out with the shirt inside out. Supposedly he walked into a spiderweb. She calls but it goes to voicemail.
Vanessa arrives to discover that she was duped into selling her footage to someone that doesn’t exist. Nate! Vanessa confronts him. He says she was trying to further her career. But the news found out anyway. Tripp is furious with his grandfather but grandfather says he didn’t do it. Tripp says if his grandfather doesn’t take responsibility, Tripp will pull out of the race. Gee, Nate responsible? Nate doesn’t step up. (Nate screwing everything up, screwing his friends his family…and him trying to distance himself.) Vanessa stops by long enough to say that the guy who she called her friend had a moral compass.
Serena speaks to Brandeis and finds out definitively that Brandeis is definitely a call girl. Patrick is pantless. Brandeis was escorted out. Chuck tells them to stop fighting. Chuck reveals that both of them were right. Blaire calls Serena a prostitute. So Serena retaliates by smashing Blaire’s face into the cake.
Tripp goes to make the announcement that he’s pulling out but Nate insists on going first. Vanessa is filming. Nate reveals that it really was a hoax but Tripp didn’t know about it. He says he set it up. That gets a buzz. Vanessa even lowers her camera!!!
Chuck asks Serena what she’s doing. He says Blaire is mean because she misses her. Serena says if that’s how she feels she should tell her. He says they have to look out for their friendship or they’ll lose it.
Olivia rushed up to Dan’s after a text. She’s really sorry, she’s used to being scripted for interviews by her publicist. Dan says the spider story was fake. The truth is he was so nervous he kept sweating through his shirt so he ran to the bathroom to use the blow dryer. He left because he realized it was her one month anniversary not because of the interview.
Tripp thanks Dan for sacrificing himself for Tripp. The race is still neck and neck. And then, Tripp wins! (I don’t think Nate was just taking one for the team.) Tripp says this is the beginning of a new Van Der Bilt dynasty that they can be proud of.
Blaire picks cake from her hair when Serena arrives with a towel and an apology. She says a real friend would come to her. Blaire says she feels sorry for her because she can’t recognize what’s going on. Serena was always number one until now. Blaire is building a life for herself. Blaire says she’s drifting away from Dan, her family, Nate. (As though that’s her fault.) As far as she’s concerned, they’re friendship is over. Blaire finds Brandeis and apologizes about what Serena did. Brandeis tells her it’s true. Brandeis says this is how she pays for college and couture, she’s the same person. But for now Brandeis has a job. Blaire realizes Brandeis used her to meet new clients.
Serena hosts Patrick into a cab. Serena writes a note on Patrick’s shirt that she quits. Blaire and Serena see each other but Blaire goes back inside. (For a moment there it looked like she might go across.)
Grandfather and Tripp’s wife talk. I’m impressed, the show actually surprised me. Tripp’s wife planned it all. She’s gotten grandfather out of their lives. Grandfather wants to do something but she points out that he has no credibility.
Chuck finds Blaire miserable. Why doesn’t he give her a speech? Blaire says it’s okay if she and Brandeis aren’t friends, he’s all she needs. Why is it that Blaire can be a baby.
Olivia did a new interview that was better.
Tripp sees Serena and congratulates him. Where’s the wife? Dunno. Tihs might be his last private moment. She offers to leave but he tells her to stay. (Cheating scandal in the mix?) He asks her what’s wrong but she’s hesitant. He convinces her and she relents. They flirt over alcohol and Gossip Girl talks about lines that shouldn’t be crossed.