The Secret Life: Be My, Be My Baby

Adrian walks into her new house and is thrilled. Ricky congratulates her with a kiss, suggesting to check out her bedroom. She says maybe after they go to therapy. She’s made an appointment to see his therapist. He can come if he wants. She won’t sleep with him unless she thinks they have a potential future. He doesn’t want her to go where he does, therapy is hard. She points out that you can look into Amy’s living room. Maybe they can see John without Amy around. He says it’s a process. If she goes to his therapist he’ll ruin sex and therapy for him, the two things he cares about most. In walks Ashley. She didn’t realize they had the keys and she was just checking that she had everything. She points out that from the Juergens home they can see into Adrian’s house too. Adrian doesn’t care if they can see in but Ricky can. Of course, Amy is holding John and staring at them. John says “dada!” and waves across. But when Amy asks where mama is he continues to look across and she gets her sulky expression.

George is working in the lawn when Ricky says hi and is called over to help. George brings up that he’s not having sex and they discuss Adrian’s reason. Ricky says he’ll never end up with Amy. He loves her but they have no heat. He asks if George and Anne went to therapy together. He wants to know how you know that you’re with the right person. He says that because of his history he has to think about everything. George says it isn’t that much worse than everyone else’s life. George tells him he respects what he’s doing for his son. George tells him that “if you don’t feel obligated to be with someone and still want to be with them then you’re probably in love and you’ll probably want to get married and have babies.”

Then comes Ben dragging a cooler of wings in hopes of having a picnic. George accuses Ben of cheating on Amy and then tells him to tell Amy he finds her hot without doing anything in the hopes of lifting her spirits. George says he’s learned some things over the years: “when women don’t want to have sex, they still want you to want to have sex, so want sex but don’t have it.”

Griffin comes and George is upset with him for letting Ashley date. George says he doesn’t know if he’s ready for another kid.

Grace tells her mom that her dad wouldn’t approve of her being with such a young man. It’s embarrassing. She should be in mourning not having sex with a young, hot guy. She doesn’t want to know him and how could she bring her boyfriend to church! She demands to know if her mother is having sex since clearly she should know. She says that if her mom has sex she’ll have sex. She says she won’t have sex again until she’s married. (They also trade insults about who is or isn’t Christian.) Conveniently, Jack overhears and says “WHAT!?” He thought they were moving in the other direction. In walks the boyfriend who, when Grace leaves, gives him advice about using condoms since you can get pregnant while on your period. In walks the mom, out walks Jack, they secretly discuss the fact that they’re having sex. Upstairs Grace rants and Jack says he wants to have sex before marriage so how about oral sex? If you don’t believe it’s sex it isn’t, a loophole!

I kind of want to spend an episode timing the pauses between conversations about sex. What do you think the average time would be? 20 seconds? 15?

Adrian and Ricky are in therapy. Adrian says it’s great because of the technique and degree of difficulty. The therapist asks how she feels emotionally afterwards. She feels close to him and wants him to stay around. How long does Ricky stay? Not overnight because he doesn’t want to. He likes to be alone, especially after he has sex. The therapist asks why she’d like more time with him. She doesn’t know. How old was she when she started having sex? 15. Talk about it. She’s never told Ricky about it. She says it was with her best friend and neighbor Antonio. They grew up together and lived in the same building for 7 years. They did everything together. And then he said he was moving so they decided to have sex so that they could be each other’s first. They always talked about their future. She starts crying as she says they loved each other. It was a really wonderful night, magic. And then it was over and he was gone. They agreed not to call or write because there was no point because he was moving to another state for cancer treatment. (Wow, that explains a lot about at least her recent development.) Ricky holds her hands and the therapist offers to give them some time alone, which they accept. Ricky understands that she’s afraid he will leave and never see him again. She’s never felt for anyone since Antonio until Ricky. He says there’s no guarantees for their future, they just have to see how it goes. He knows what would make them feel better. He’ll spend the night, talk. They can stay at his place, if she wants. She asks if he’s afraid of losing someone he loves, like what if Amy moves away with John. He doesn’t like to play what if. He doesn’t think he could do anything but follow. He’s afraid to try to establish his rights with his son because what if his background would disqualify him? She tells him to fight for what’s his. He says Amy won’t take him away from her. Adrian says she isn’t so sure Ben loves Amy.

George is mixed up. Is he ready for a baby? Ann won’t trust him after he cheated. They’re old! He’s talking to the dog.

Any thanks Ben for the wings though they eat in the kitchen not somewhere private where they can talk and kiss. He’s clearly following George’s instructions and says he finds her hot. She loves that he wants her, it’s like the old Ben. She says they should get engaged so she can move into his house for the duration of high school so they can have sex. He says he’ll talk to his dad about it and basically bolts but Amy is smiling!

Ashley and Griffin discuss her new room and how to decorate it. He’s got ideas instantly. (I like that he’s not a blatantly gay character while embracing his gayness.) He suggests she talk to Amy or she won’t enjoy the room. Ashley looks miserable. Finally she goes to the kitchen where Amy is and asks for a truce. Amy says sure. Thank god they didn’t have to talk about it. Amy says she should have the room and doesn’t care. But they don’t seem to really be okay.

Ann is walking and George tells her to sit. She’s going into labor. No one seems able to call 911 since the dog is outside. Ann says she can’t make it to the hospital. (Dude, labor is not instantaneous.) 911 won’t come because they’ve called too many times and George resolves to deliver the baby. The girls think its funny.

Ben talks to his dad who says he can’t get engaged or married. He says he has to. He wants to do whatever he wants to keep her happy so he won’t lose her. Ben says he loves Amy. But he’s not sure. Betty suggests he sleep with Amy before he decides. That way he can see if they’re even sexually compatible. Sex is no good if you’re not old enough, mature enough, to make it good. (Oh ABC Family, blatant lectures.) Ben’s dad discovers that Betty’s husband is dead so now they can get married.

Apparently Ann had a baby in like 3 seconds. All is clean as though she didn’t just have a baby. Not only that, but her water never broke… What to name the baby? Who to name it after? Maybe after Ann’s dad. Call him Robert Scott Juergens, Robby for short. They all seem happy.

Tom is talking on the phone to Tammy about sex. The boyfriend says he wants to marry his mom. Tom says he only just met him. Grace is in bed. She tells her mom she’s breaking up with Jack because she’s not ready for a serious relationship.

Lauren and Madison are talking. Jack texted her saying that he and Grace broke up. Lauren thinks Grace must have found out that Madison and Jack had oral sex.

Ben tells his friends that he thinks he should break  up with Amy. He doesn’t want to have sex with her and he doesn’t think he can raise her baby.

Adrian is in bed and Ricky gets up. He says I love you and she hears and says it back.

Amy walks into Ashley’s room and they speculate about the future of their family. Amy tells Ashley about her plans for Ben so she can start her life over. Amy says she can’t go on the way her life is, she needs to make changes. Ashley says she has to realize that John ahasn’t ended her life, just changed it.

George okays with Robby and then looks at him and wonders if he’s really the father.

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